Let’s Practice Civil Discourse Every Day! by George Wolfe
Mediation is a process that can be used to resolve disputes between parties in conflict. The approach stipulates certain ground rules that can also be applied to our daily conversations with friends, colleagues, rivals and strangers. If these simple rules are observed and practiced when we engage in interfaith dialog, personal conversation and group discussion, rhetoric that can lead to misunderstanding and conflict is minimized. Our problem-solving efforts will then be far more constructive, increasing our chances of finding common ground. What follows is a list of mediation ground rules that I have modified to fit the forums of personal and public discourse.
1. Focus the discussion on the issues, not on the people involved in the discussion. Critique the idea or issue without attacking the person or individuals arguing for or against the issue.
2. Refrain from judging another person’s motives for supporting or criticizing an idea. Evaluate the issue or behavior, not the person.
3. Refrain from name-calling. Such language does not contribute to constructive discussion.
4. Abstain from using offensive language and metaphors. You are much less likely to persuade your opponents and their supporters if you offend them.
5. Avoid exaggerated statements or accusations in the form of broad simplistic generalizations when addressing the issues. Such statements are usually inaccurate and come back to haunt the person making them. Remember the Chinese proverb: “Words of exaggeration are not words of truth.”
6. Refrain from stereotyping. Avoid such statements as, “ All liberals are. . .” or “All conservatives are. . .” or “All ____________(you fill in the blank) are. . . ,” etc. There are invariably a variety of nuanced opinions within virtually all political, social, ethnic and religious groups.
7. In addition to criticism, offer constructive alternatives. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Being a peace-builder takes practice. Review this list of ground rules every morning, then consciously apply them to your interaction with friends, colleagues, or anyone with whom you might have the opportunity to interact. All it takes is consistent practice. You’ll soon find your life will have fewer frustrations, and your success rate at averting and resolving conflicts will increase substantially!
George Wolfe is Chair of the Muncie Interfaith Fellowship Cooperation Circle. He also serves as Coordinator of Outreach Programs for Ball State University’s Center for Peace and Conflict Studies, is a trained mediator, and is the author of The Spiritual Power of Nonviolence: Interfaith Understanding for a Future Without War.